


Dancing Lessons

by Phoenix_Falls



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Background Morcia probably, Cruise Ships, F/F, Me? Write another AU? It's more likely than you think, Nobody works for the BAU AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-06-26 17:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15667674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Falls/pseuds/Phoenix_Falls
Summary: "Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God" - Kurt VonnegutJJ's plans for a surprise romantic getaway with her girlfriend go awry when they break up. Determined to have a good time anyway, she decides to sell her extra ticket online to recoup some of her losses.





	1. Chapter 1

“Maybe this was a bad idea, Pen.” JJ mused, deleting yet another creepy email reply to her Craigslist ad before putting her phone facedown on the table; determined not to look at it again until they left the restaurant. 

Across from her, her best friend Penelope Garcia tutted and shook her head, hands busy with dumping packets of sugar into her ice tea. “No way, Angelface!” she countered firmly. “You worked _so_ hard to be able to afford this trip! It’s not _your_ fault that ‘ _Petrović the Bitch’_ ruined it!”

 “It’s not about Vickie, amazingly enough.” JJ assured with a slight roll of her eyes. “I’m going no matter what at this point, it’s just…” she gestured to her phone. “I don’t think I can wade through another fifty of these horrible replies, honestly. I’m wondering if it would be better to just cut my losses.” 

“Nuh-uh, unacceptable!” Penelope held up a hand when JJ opened her mouth to protest. “I _know_ you make good money and _technically_ you can afford it if you don’t get any of the money back since you’ve been saving for this for so long, but it’s the _principal_ of the matter, Jayje! She’s gotten away with too much as it is! Besides, maybe whoever gets the ticket will be a good rebound?”

JJ leaned back and thanked their server as he set their plates of food in front of them, waiting until he was out of earshot to speak. “Pen, you _know_ that I’ve slept with other people since Vickie and I broke up.”

Penelope shrugged as if that didn’t change her point. “Not _women_ people. Men don’t count, everyone knows that.”

“How silly of me to forget.” JJ said flatly, taking a bite of her burger. “I’m _not_ using this to hunt for a hookup. I just want to have a good time.” 

“Having orgasms is a good time.”

JJ snorted. “Fair, but I’m not looking to hook up with someone I’m going to be forced to share a room with for a week. Especially not if the replies I’ve gotten so far are my prospects.”

“It would be convenient though, wouldn’t it?”

“The whole premise of this cruise is that there’s only queer women on it. I’m sure I don’t need convenient.” 

Penelope held up a hand signaling that she was relenting. “I’m just saying, don’t discount any opportunities that might present themselves. You’ve still got a couple months before you’ve really gotta do anything about it.”

“Okay,” JJ relented with a sigh. “I’ll leave the ad up, and I’ll _think_ about it, but I don’t want to hear it if I decide to go alone.” 

“Deal. All I wanted was for you to keep your options open.”

 

* * *

 

 

JJ’s phone pinged with the tone alerting her to an incoming email and she shot a glare at her cell distastefully where it sat on her coffee table. In the six weeks since she’d vaguely agreed to Penelope’s cajoling about keeping an open mind to the responses to her ad, she’d waded through more ridiculous replies than she had for anything else she’d ever put online, and as a single bisexual woman on Tinder, that was certainly saying something.

“Aren’t you going to look?” Penelope giggled from next to her on the couch, her face slightly flushed.

JJ let her head drop against the backrest and dramatically flung the hand not holding her wineglass onto her forehead. “Absolutely not. I should turn my phone off.”

Penelope shrugged and leaned forward, setting her own mostly empty wineglass on the coffee table and picked up JJ’s phone. “It can’t be _that_ bad,” she assured, unlocking her friends phone and going through the myriad of unread emails she had before stopping on one with a curious sender; “there’s a response from someone named ‘Derek’?” she said a little confusedly. “Is that, like, a stone butch thing?”

JJ groaned distastefully. “If there’s a merciful god, it is but probably not. I’ve been getting more than a few random guys answering trying to get me to ditch the trip altogether and sleep with them or something. Usually with a not-so-tasteful nude attached. All junk, no face. Sometimes abs.”

Penelope giggled again. “Well, this one doesn’t say there’s any attachments, but we should look anyway in case he uploaded a pic in the email directly just so I can roast him. Best case scenario, it’s a really hot butch, right?” She opened the email when JJ gestured with an arm for her to go ahead and read it silently for a moment before smiling softly. “Aw, he sounds nice!”

JJ lolled her head to the side and squinted at her friend. “How much wine have we had already?”

“No, I’m serious! Listen;” Penelope cleared her throat and sat up straighter as she read the email out loud: 

“ _’Hey, I know my email has a guys name, and I understand the impulse to write me off, but it’s for a good cause so please hear me out!_

_My best friend Emily is in kind of a slump right now. She thinks she doesn’t need a long break and some new social experiences but she does…she really does. She doesn’t have a problem getting the ladies or anything but I’ve known her for eight years and she hasn’t taken a vacation once in that whole time unless you count the times she was sick or there was a federal holiday. She thinks self-care is five more minutes in the shower than usual and honestly it’s stressing_ me _the hell out so I know my girl is hurting_

_The problem is, she’s stubborn as hell and usually has to be tricked or forced into doing nice things for herself so I figured I could find some kind of cool lesbian hotspot or something on Craigslist and guilt her into going by paying for it. So I saw your ad and that cruise sounds like just the thing she needs. Plus the idea that it’s non refundable is gonna work real well with the whole guilt thing_

_Emily is great when she loosens up. Real funny, smart, a total nerd (but don’t tell her I ratted her out) and even if you two don’t really get along, she’s zero drama and she’ll probably keep to herself anyway. Clean and neat but not obsessed about it, so she’s not gonna passive-aggressive you into picking up a towel or anything you might worry about for being close quarters with someone. I’m totally good for the money but I get this is a little weird and I have no problem paying upfront before getting the tickets in case you think I’m trying to creep you and using an app or something to pay so you don’t think I’m trying to jack you either. If it influences your decision at all, here’s a recent picture of her. Well it’s me, my sister, and Emily, but it’s from last week so it’s the most recent picture I have of her. Holla at me!_ ’ Ooo, what a delicious assortment of hotties!” Penelope added, scrolling down to see the picture. 

JJ set her glass on the table and curiously scooted closer to Penelope who leaned over to display the screen better. The picture was taken in a sunny backyard, seemingly during some kind of party. On the left was a handsome, muscularly built Black man with a boyish grin and thick eyebrows who had to have been Derek. Next to him was a striking pale woman with shoulder-length black hair and angular features who wasn’t looking at the camera but sideways at Derek, clearly trying not to smile and doing a poor job. On the right was a gorgeous Black woman with dark, short brown hair, an entrancing smile, and a t-shirt that read ‘I can kick your ass on Halo.’

“Damn.” JJ agreed appreciatively, pointing to the woman on the end. “That must be Emily.”

Penelope looked back and forth between the picture and JJ a few times. “You don’t think that’s his sister? Because, I mean…” she trailed off and raised her eyebrows incredulously.

JJ rolled her eyes. “Penelope.” She said dryly. “ _You_ are the _least_ Mexican person on the planet and you have a Spanish last name and _four_ Mestizo brothers who, I shouldn’t have to remind you, look nothing like you.” 

“Okay, you got me there."

“Anyway,” she pointed out, gesturing to the woman on the end again. “He said she was a nerd and if publicly wearing a shirt bragging about your Halo skills doesn’t scream ‘nerd’ I really don’t know what does.” 

“That _is_ a good point.” Penelope acquiesced before looking at her friend with a wide grin. “What do you think? Reply to this one?” 

JJ frowned slightly. “It’s _miles_ better than anything I’ve gotten so far,” she admitted.

“Plus you’ve got to accept one of these sooner, rather than later.” 

“God, I definitely drank too much…” JJ sighed. “Give me the phone.” Penelope promptly handed over the phone with a little squeal of delight and peered over JJ’s shoulder as she typed:

‘ _Okay, I’m going to be honest and say that if it hadn’t been for my friend opening your email first, I probably would have deleted it but I have to admit, my interest is piqued. I feel like I should warn you though, if you’re playing me somehow, my friend is also an accomplished hacker and she WILL destroy your life.’_

“Damn right!” Penelope crowed with a nod.

JJ laughed and wrote that she’d send Derek the travel details and such as soon as he paid her the agreed on price, adding that while the picture wasn’t really necessary, she was glad he sent it as Emily was indeed very pretty. She sent the email and leaned back to get comfortable again. That hadn’t been _too_ bad and at least now she could take the ad down and not have to go through replies to it anymore.

* * *

 

“Hey, Pen,” JJ greeted her friend after she’d picked up on the third ring. “I just got off the plane, I’m getting my bag right now.” 

“So,” Penelope drawled in an excited voice. “How was the flight? Is the anticipation killing you yet?”

JJ sighed and followed the signs towards baggage claim. “The flight was okay, and honestly having an empty seat next to me was kind of nice but yes, the anticipation is _killing_ me.” Penelope had been teasing information about Emily for weeks leading up to their first in person meeting. She’d struck up a rather quick friendship with Derek after she insisted on doing a background check on him before allowing JJ to give him her Venmo information and had been finding out information on Emily through him. JJ had been supposed to meet Emily that day before their flight out of Dulles and have time to get to know each other on the three hour trip to Miami, but something had come up at Emily’s job and she’d had to arrange to take a flight out the next day.

“Want a handy Emily fact?” Penelope goaded cheerily. 

“No, Peej, I don’t. I told you, I don’t want you to tell me anything when we haven’t spoken to each other, that’s creepy!” JJ _did_ want to know _something_. Truth be told, she was rather anxious about not being able to meet her before boarding the cruise. Derek had sprung his ‘surprise’ on Emily at the last possible minute and Penelope had advised her that he’d pointed out it probably wasn’t a great idea to try and strike up even well-intentioned conversation when Emily would be laser focused on how much she wanted to fight him until she left. 

Penelope scoffed. “It was only creepy when you thought you’d have the flight to get to know her! Now it’s just common sense.”

JJ frowned and stopped at the correct baggage carousel, watching the luggage go around and looking for hers. “No, it’s still creepy.” She insisted. “Not everyone is a busybody like you.”

“It doesn’t count as being a busybody if you’re going to be sharing a room with someone! —Especially not a hotel room!” Penelope snickered, full well knowing the answer to the question she was about to ask. “Have you decided what to do about that yet, by the way?”

JJ grumbled and spotted her nondescript black suitcase by the bright purple luggage tag on its handle and grabbed it as it went by her. Her cruise package had included a hotel stay in New York City after their weeklong tour around the Caribbean. Emily’s return flight ticket was the same as hers obviously, but since JJ hadn’t spoken to the other woman yet, she hadn’t been able to broach any of the potential solutions she had on the subject.

“I don’t know.” She admitted, making her way out of the airport to the queue in front of the cabstand. “I thought I’d feel out a solution once we got to know each other, but…” she frowned and worried her lower lip between her teeth. “I called the hotel after Derek paid me and they said they’re booked so they couldn’t get me another room or a room with two beds, but that we could ask before check in to see if there might’ve been some changes.”

“That could be a good thing though!” Penelope chirped suggestively. “If there’s no changes, I mean.” 

“Will you knock it off?” JJ chided, sliding into the waiting cab when it was her turn. “Listen, I just got in the cab, so I’ll text you tomorrow when I get checked into the room on the ship, okay?” 

“Sure thing, hot stuff! Toodles!” 

Penelope hung up before JJ could say anything else and she rolled her eyes, giving the cab driver the address of the hotel she’d be staying the night at. No matter how anxious she was feeling about having to share her room with a literal stranger, JJ was determined to have a good time regardless.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the incredibly long space between updates! I don't particularly have an excuse outside this is who I am as a person sometimes =D thanks for sticking with me though!

Emily eyed the numbers affixed to the wall outside the doors as she nervously made her way down the spacious hallway of the cruise ship that seemed rather narrow with everyone else trying to get sorted. It was only now in retrospect that she was regretting not exchanging at least one email or text with this woman she was going to be spending a week in the same room with. She had just been so caught up in trying to decide whether or not she was _actually_ mad at Derek for his thoughtful—if a little forceful—present. Then, when an emergency came up at work and she couldn’t leave until the last minute, she’d been so engrossed in doing damage control that the trip itself, nevermind the woman attached to it, had slipped her mind entirely until Derek’s sister Tara had called to see if she’d packed yet because she was picking her up in an hour.

Coming to a stop in front of the correct cabin number, Emily tightened the grip she had on the handle of her bag and took a deep breath, slipping the keycard into the lock to open the door and wondering if she should knock before entering, ultimately deciding against it. The room was large, considering they were on a ship housing a couple thousand other people. There was enough space for a kitchenette, a small couch, en suite, and small living room area near a little balcony with a table and chairs. The sliding glass door of the balcony was open and a petite blonde woman was leaning forward over the railing, apparently taking in the less than spectacular view of the harbour. She turned when she heard the door click shut behind Emily, allowing her to finally get a good look at the mystery woman.

Emily, who had plastered on her best Nice-To-Meet-You smile perfected over years of attending social functions with her Ambassador mother, felt her expression twitch momentarily once the woman was facing her, her brain flat out stalling for a second as she was struck by how beautiful the woman was. For her part, the blonde woman returned the smile though it was confused and Emily was suddenly terrified she had somehow walked into the wrong room despite the fact that her keycard had worked in the door.

“Um,” Emily started ineloquently, forcing her thoughts back into working order. “You’re Jennifer, uh, JJ, right?”

“ _You’re_ Emily?” JJ blurted in response, looking surprised. Emily’s mouth turned down briefly at the corners though she refused to frown fully and so corrected herself quickly but JJ noticed anyway, her eyes widening and her hands reaching out suddenly like they were trying to snatch the words back. “Oh my god, no, not like that!” she insisted in a rush, shaking her head. “You’re,” she cleared her throat. “ It’s just that Derek had sent me a picture, but I’d thought you were his sister!” 

Emily’s features smoothed into something pleasant but unreadable. She was going to murder Derek. “Nope, sorry to disappoint.” She tried to keep her tone light, a little teasing. 

“Disapp—no, nothing like that!” JJ insisted, coming fully into the room and sliding the door closed to give her something to do briefly so Emily wouldn’t see her flush with embarrassment. God, she was even prettier in person. JJ cleared her throat and rolled her eyes self-deprecatingly. “Let’s start over.” She suggested, holding out her hand towards the other woman. “Hi, I’m JJ.” She was going to murder Penelope. 

Emily relaxed a little and shook JJ’s hand with a more natural smile. “Emily. Nice to finally meet you.”

They stared at each other for a few silent moments, only uncomfortable when they seemed to simultaneously realize they still had hold of the others hand. JJ cleared her throat as they released each other and Emily took a small step back. “So, I was waiting for you to get here before I picked a side. Do you have a preference?”

Emily’s gaze slid over to the beds as if she hadn’t noticed them before then, which she somehow hadn’t. They were made to be joined together and as such, were an unusual size while apart—larger than a twin but still smaller than a full, which left very little space between them. It wasn’t lost on Emily that the layout suggested it was for a couple with a single bed and she repressed the strange urge to ask JJ about how she’d come by an extra ticket. It was none of her business and a little out of character for her to get an impulse like that about a stranger. Emily shrugged lightly, “I usually sleep on the left, but it’s not going to destroy me if you want that side.”

JJ smiled widely and waved her hand at the bed nearest the door. “That’s perfect, actually, I prefer the right.” She said, picking up her bag from the floor near the armchair and dropping it indelicately onto her bed. “So,” JJ started after a few minutes of them unpacking in silence. “Have you been on a cruise before?” 

“A few.” Emily admitted with a nod before adding “but none like this.”

“Like what?” JJ paused midway through pulling some toiletries out. Her smile was impish and her tone conspiratorial but overacted. “A _gay_ one?”

Emily chuckled in spite of herself. “A recreational one” she corrected.

JJ leaned away from the sink counter where she was claiming real estate for her makeup and squinted at Emily curiously. “They have working cruises?”

Emily nodded absentmindedly, pawing around in her bag to make sure she’d brought the right books with her. “My Mother is a diplomat. She can, and did, make everything into a political function.” 

“And what about you?” JJ prodded further. “Are you into politics as well?”

“God no.” Emily grimaced and when she looked up, JJ was leaning against the wall, unpacking abandoned in favour of studying her. There was something about the weight of JJ’s gaze that made her feel truly exposed and it was unsettling enough that she looked away, pretending to resettle the remaining contents of her bag. “I hate politics.” She explained honestly. She thought for a moment about leaving it at that, never having been the kind of person to offer personal details when she had the option not to but Emily found herself adding “I work as a translator for the State Department.”

“Oh! I bet I’ve run into you at some point then!” JJ declared. “Well, your work anyway; I definitely would have remembered if we’d met in person.” She plowed ahead with her explanation while Emily’s brain stalled out on the way JJ had said ‘definitely.’ “I’m the Communications Specialist for Accenture Federal. Funny we’d meet up like this, huh?” 

Emily nodded dumbly, her mouth suddenly feeling dry as she fumbled around for something clever to say. She wasn’t usually this awkward around women, but she felt like the unsure, floundering teenager she hadn’t been in decades and she could feel heat rising in her face. If JJ noticed, she mercifully didn’t comment on it. Emily’s hand was halfway up to her mouth to nervously chew on her thumbnail before she realized what she was about to do; in front a virtual stranger no less, and turned the gesture into one sweeping toward the door. “I’m gonna go find a good place to watch the launch.” She hesitated only for a moment before adding, “do you want to come?”

JJ smiled brightly and nodded, reaching for her keycard that had been placed on her little end table. “I’ve never been on a cruise like this before.” She admitted once they were both in the hallway and starting toward the lower deck.

“But you’ve been on them before?” Emily asked smoothly, feeling much less awkward now that they weren’t alone.

JJ nodded, her ability to reply held off while they made their way through the throng of people. “I’m actually pretty glad I had to dump the extra ticket.” She revealed once they found a space big enough to squeeze into behind the railing on the starboard side. Emily wanted to ask about the passenger she’d replaced again and was just searching for a casual, tactful way to do so when JJ continued. “I want to be able to relax and have a good time.” 

“You wouldn’t have otherwise?” Emily asked after the sudden blaring rumble of the ships horn died down.

JJ shrugged and leaned over the railing, looking suddenly somber in the midst of the joyful atmosphere around them. “Nah.” She said finally, chewing on her lower lip a moment before glancing quickly over at Emily. “The company is already infinitely better honestly.”

“Oh, uh,” Emily’s stomach flipped and she dropped right back into the novice bungling she’d felt back in their room. “I’m pretty low maintenance. I like to mind my own business.”

JJ laughed like she had been cued in to an inside joke and Emily felt herself smile in response. “Derek said as much.” She supplied with a nod.

Emily rolled her eyes, wondering just what else Derek had said about her. They watched as the ship slowly slipped away from the harbour, feeling cloistered amidst the jubilant shouting going on around them though Emily was paying more attention to JJ than she was to the distancing shoreline. She averted her gaze so as not to be caught staring when a nearby passenger excitedly got JJ’s attention to take her picture with a group of people, feeling her breath catch at the excited smile JJ offered the woman before following her exuberantly.

Turning back toward the rapidly disappearing land line, she took several deep fortifying breaths and shook her head at herself, wondering when she’d become such a schoolgirl and hoping she wasn’t going to utterly embarrass herself. It was only a week, she reasoned. She could manage to not be a total nerd and keep her head down for a week. Besides, even though she would never admit it, Derek had been right. She needed a real vacation.


End file.
